Joshua had his physical therapy evaluation today and it was awful. The woman had no compassion or tact. She made me feel like an incompetent mother and that his delays were my fault. She said the jumper was the reason for him walking on his toes. I told her that his pediatrician wants him walking by 15 months so she said I should have brought him in sooner. She told me he has the gross motor skills of a 6 month old.
The worst part of the whole thing was her telling me I should let him scream and not allowing me to pick him up while he was screaming at the top of his lungs. She said I should sing the ABC song twice and then pick him up. No way could he hear me with the way he was screaming; his face was red and he was having trouble breathing not to mention it was an ear piercing scream. I almost started crying with him, I did cry all the way home and have not had a good day since then.
Can you imagine basically being told that you're not a good mother? That the job which is most important to you in the world you've messed up? I don't think that unless you have a child with a delay you can possibly understand. It is awful and heartbreaking. No amount of "It'll be okay" or "I'm sure he'll catch up" can fix it. What you do want is to work with compassionate people and to have some real and true friends who support you and don't make you feel worse.
If I didn't want what was best for him I wouldn't have started this process nor would I be continuing with it. Of course I do, I am his mother and I am a good mother! I love him more than anything in this world which is why this whole thing is so heartbreaking.
I work with him every single day but having been his mother for a year now I know that if he doesn't want to do something no amount of letting him cry or scream will change that. He is very strong willed and stubborn. He will do it when he wants to do it and not before. This is something that most people don't understand. His Early Interventionist, Sarah is very nice and sweet. We all like her very much. Even she though said something about him not wanting to do something that he's got to learn but you can't force him. That's part of the reason why this is so hard for me. I try and try and get nowhere.
I do not pick him up every time he cries but I do try to make him happy. If he is crying he is not going to do whatever I want him to do. Physical therapy or anything else won't work if he isn't going to cooperate, you can't force cooperation. If he's crying or screaming he isn't going to do what you want him to do.
The only problem is there is no one else who can take Joshua on right now. There are a few other PTs who will have openings in January. I am going to take him on Friday but I am going to tell her that I did not appreciate the way she treated me or Joshua and that she is going to have to work with me too, not just him. I will not allow him to scream for 2 minutes before I pick him up.